By Cooter Jackson, Editor in chief
MUD LAKE, NV—Greetings, friends. Cooter here. It’s been a while. I suppose you’ve all been wondering where your favorite desert-hermit investigative journalist got off to in the last few months, during the most contentious and bizarre presidential election of modern times. Well, that’s what I’m here to explain.
As I’m sure my readers know, I’ve long possessed incontrovertible proof that Hillary Clinton is the secret leader of the trans-dimensional Lizard People, who are working tirelessly to subvert and control our government and our very civilization. For a while there during the campaign season, it looked like she was going to win. This obviously filled me with terror and unspeakable dread.
You see, Lizard People don’t take kindly to being exposed by hard-hitting investigative journalism. As soon as those scaly bastards take power, Cooter P. Jackson is going to be one of the first warm-blooded meatbags to be kidnapped away in the dead of night and tortured for weeks, before having my thought waves extracted out of my skull by some kind of giant ice-cream scooper apparatus, after which they’ll (more…)