By Morton Chumble, Proboscis Elections Correspondent
WASHINGTON, DC—Hillary Clinton, presumptive democratic nominee and noted supervillain, has put a horrifying, yet effective, failsafe system in place, making her virtually invulnerable.
Hillary recently appeared on the floor of congress wearing a suicide vest laced with more than two hundred pounds of pure weapons grade Donald Trump. Clutching the deadman’s switch in her right hand, she gleefully cackled, “None of you assholes can touch me! If you try to indict, if you try to push another nominee, if you go third party, if you even so much as think about not voting for me, then I let go of this switch. And you know what happens then? This vest detonates, see? Then radioactive chunks of flaming Trump are going to get strewn around this place like fake blood at a GWAR concert. You cross me, and you’re going to (more…)