By Harold Kludge, Proboscis Robotics Correspondent
PALO ALTO, CA— It was the holy grail of robotics. Create a robot just smart enough to do manual labor and customer service, and put fifty percent of the population out of work. That dream finally became a reality with Servatron Mark 3, the worlds first general purpose customer service robot. It can talk to customers, it can sweep floors and pour coffee. Emotionless, tireless, and without the messy human needs and wants that stymied economic growth for so many years. Business owners bought them like hotcakes, dumping their antiquated meatware employees like hot potatoes. Soon there wasn’t a human employee to be found.
“We’re really excited about the Servatron.” says Wal-Mart spokesman Grant Pugsmith, “Because, lets face it, retail isn’t that great a job. We’re doing these people a favor by replacing them with robots. This way, our former employees are free to pursue other opportunities and passions, like selling pencils on street corners, or perhaps prostitution. Okay, is the microphone off now? Ah, I’m just bullshitting you. We were sick and tired of maintaining even the thinnest pretense of giving a shit about those leeches. They’re always wanting time off for their father’s funeral, or special schedule requests so they can go to their chemotherapy treatment. I mean, please. Suck it up, buttercup. The problem with human beings (more…)