Month: March 2017

IMMIGRATION CRACKDOWN HITS TOONTOWN

By Ricky Trickle, Proboscis Toon Affairs Correspondent

TOONTOWN, CA—As Donald Trump’s new hardline immigration policies go into effect, increasingly frequent raids by Immigration Control and Enforcement have been tearing apart families and striking fear into the heart of immigrant communities. Nowhere is this more apparent than in Toontown, the close-knit Los Angeles neighborhood populated by some of the most beloved cartoon characters in America.

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I say I say I say build the wall!

Since the election, a sharp line has been drawn here, between native-born cartoons and their immigrant neighbors. “It’s terrible,” said Clarabelle cow, a longtime resident of Toontown. “It’s unamerican. These are our friends, our neighbors. They’re a part of the community. We’ve worked together for years. Our children go to the same school. And now, this! I mean, it’s like the Gestapo. For god’s sake, they came in the middle of the night and took Dora away in handcuffs!”

From the Canadian born Rocky and Bullwinkle (strangely enough, Boris and Natasha have been allowed to stay, and regularly visit Trump’s Mar a Lago resort), to the Australian Tazmanian Devil, foreign national cartoons from all over the world have been affected. Dora the Explorer, Pepe le Pew, and more have had their visas revoked and have been detained by immigration authorities, pending deportation. Marvin the Martian, having made several credible threats to destroy the earth, has been transported to an undisclosed overseas location for “questioning.”

“Oui oui, I am le French, why do you try to deport me to le Mexico?” said Pepe le Pew, another longtime legal resident who has been caught up in the ICE dragnet. “Le America, she is my home, my lover. Why do you try to take me from my lover?” Mr. Le Pew then began dry-humping the ICE agents who were arresting him.

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Speedy Gonzales’ home was vandalized, apparently with very tiny spraypaint.

Along with the immigration raids, the Trump administration’s new policies have emboldened racism and xenophobia in Toontown. A spate of vandalism and harassment has been reported throughout the neighborhood. “That pinche pendejo pussygato,” said longtime resident Speedy Gonzales, gesturing towards his vandalized home, “he painting swastikas and shit on mi casa. I mean, that pussygato, he was always an asshole, but now since we got El Presidente Naranja, all of a sudden he theenk it’s okay. He come around here again, I fuck heem up.”

Not everyone is unhappy about the change. Well known local cartoons Sylvester the Cat, Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, Foghorn Leghorn, and Bluto have benefited from the government’s hiring binge. Wearing his new Immigration Control and Enforcement uniform, Southern rooster and noted racist Foghorn Leghorn commented, “I say I say I say we’re gonna make America great again, boy! We got no more need of that there political correctness, and I’m just as happy as a pig in mud. Since we got President Trump in office I say I say I ain’t gotta say ‘Cotton-pickin’ no moah, now I can just call ’em niggas again.”

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Donald Duck, well-known asshole (seen here listening to Rush Limbaugh), predictably supports Donald Trump.

Scrooge McDuck, a foreign national who donated heavily to the Trump Campaign (and coincidentally has not been targeted in recent immigration raids), thinks it’s about time. “I don’t hate all immigrants, nae,” he said, in a jolly Scottish accent, “I am one. But fer me it’s different. Because I’m white, conservative, and I have an imperial shit-ton of money. But these nae good Mexican cartoons, they’re nae sendin’ us their best, they’re sendin’ us their raepists and their marderers. We’ve got te keep those brown folk out until we figure out what’s goin’ on. In fact, me construction company is going to be building the wall.”

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