SATANSatan’s Soapbox

By Satan, Proboscis Guest Columnist

Satan here. As you all know, people have associated me with homosexuality since the beginning of time. But surprisingly enough, I’ve only recently become aware of this whole “homosexual agenda” thing, and I think it’s high time I put a stop to this nonsense.

I mean, really. Love? Marriage? Holy matrimony? Monogamy? Major celebrities out and proud? Legal protection at the federal level? I see what you’re up to, and this just needs to stop.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the gays. But I think you’re all forgetting (more…)


By Cooter Jackson, Editor In Chief

MUD LAKE, NV—Greetings, friends. Well, it’s election time, and ol’ Cooter here is happier than a tornado in a trailer park. Once every four years, we the American people are treated to this fine spectacle, a veritable three-ring circus of bloated egos, outlandish promises, and shameless approval-seeking that would make a high school prom queen blush.

Rushmore 2

George Washington, father of our country, famously said of the caucus system, “Seriously you guys, this is the best you could come up with?”

We’ve just now dipped a toe into the primary season, where each of our political parties decides who their candidate will be for the general election. This often happens by way of a process known as a caucus. As you know, I am something of a political expert, but even I get confused by the caucus system. What you have to realize is that it’s all based on time-honored traditions, developed by the infallible wisdom of people who lived a long time ago, back in the times when bloodletting was state-of-the-art medical technology, and dentistry involved a stout piece of oak and a pair of pliers.

Once you get a handle on it, the caucus system makes just as much sense as, lets say, American units of measurement. It’s simple enough: an inch, itself a totally arbitrary measure, is divided into sixteenths, eighths, quarters, and halves. Twelve inches is a foot. Three feet is a yard, 5,280 feet is a mile. Makes perfect sense! Much more (more…)


By Gus Gipper, Proboscis Political Correspondent


Hillary Clinton removes her human mask at a recent Lizard-People campaign event.

NEW YORK, NY—Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton is scrambling, as her polling numbers tumble among trans-dimensional lizard-people.

Clinton, herself being a cold-blooded reptilian overlord surgically implanted into a human-clone body and sent through trans-dimensional space to pave the way for colonization and enslavement of the earth, has long been a favorite among her fellow trans-dimensional lizard people, and was considered a shoo-in for the democratic nomination. But 2016 is shaping up to be a very different campaign season, as the beleaguered politician loses support from even (more…)



By Satan, Proboscis Guest Columnist


Please allow me to introduce myself.

Satan here. I’ve concluded negotiations with Cooter Jackson, editor of this fine publication, and in exchange for certain…currency…I’ve agreed to occasionally write an op-ed column for The Mud Lake Proboscis. And so, for the first installment of the new column Satan’s Soapbox, I’d like to talk about some fellows who have been making a lot of headlines lately. I’m talking about ISIS, the Islamic terrorist organization currently rampaging through the Middle East, murdering and raping their way to establishing a medieval style Islamic caliphate. I have a message for these upstarts:

Please. Just stop. It’s tacky. You’re embarrassing yourselves.

As most of you know, I’ve been (more…)


By Cooter Jackson, editor-in-chief

MUD LAKE, NV–Greetings, dear readers. First of all, I have to apologize for my extended absence from the world of hard-hitting journalism. You see, old Cooter’s been going through some life changes. It all started about six months ago. I knew change was on the wind. I felt it in my bones, a restlessness, a vague longing that kept me awake at night. I knew that soon, I would be cast upon fate’s ocean like a wind-blown leaf, sent like some biblical prophet to wander the trackless wastes of the earth in search of a greater truth.


While I sent three thousand horse dildos to various government officials, only twenty five hundred were turned in to the Capitol Police.

That, and some hybrid mutant alien clones disguised as federal agents confiscated my hard drive and served me with a bench warrant. I swear to god, the fascists that run this country. If hosting torrents for thirty seven hundred terabytes of hard-core pornography is illegal, then I guess I’m a criminal. If using Dick Cheney’s credit card and social security number to purchase three thousand latex horse dildos and having them shipped to every member of congress is against the law, you’d better slap the cuffs on me.

In any case, I thought it was a good (more…)


By Cooter Jackson, Editor-In-Chief

MUD LAKE, NV- Greetings, fans of the truth. Cooter here. I’ve just returned from a pilgrimage to the foul, ulcerated heart of our so-called government, posing as a normal tourist while I witnessed the grim machinery of totalitarianism that is Washington, DC.


“Sir, do not place your genitals on the display cases.”

Say, did you know that you’re required by “law” to wear pants inside the Library of Congress? I sure didn’t. And I didn’t see a sign posted anywhere, either. Of course they mention shirts and shoes, but in typical big government fashion, those fascist librarians are just waiting to hang you with their hidden loopholes. I mean, I tried to let them know that I was a sovereign citizen and ambassador of Mud Lake, and thereby not bound by the draconian laws of the District of Columbia and it’s territories. But do you think that pack of capitol police officers listened? Those corn-fed Nazis might have the guns and the numbers, but yours truly gave them a run for their money, I tell you what.

Having anticipated this grievous assault on (more…)


By Merkle Fudge, Proboscis Society Correspondent

SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Horrifi, the hot new dating app for foul creatures whose very existence is an insult to god, is making waves in the demon, monster, and magical creature community.


Sha’ga Dhoul, defiler of souls, knows how hard it is to find a mate in the busy world of foul, blasphemous horror.

“It’s really great,” says Sha’ga Dhoul, a demon from the hell dimension of Krassk, “You know, it’s just so hard to meet someone who shares your interests. When you’re a working professional like me, you’re always in some other dimension, or in the far reaches of space. So it’s really great to have this app to help find someone compatible. I spend all day corrupting the souls of the innocent and defiling the pure, and I just don’t have the energy to go out to a bar at the end of the day. And how else is a hell-spawn supposed to meet someone? So, this is great. I just want to find someone to chat with, who maybe wants just to order a pizza and watch some netflix, and maybe (more…)