PornHub

PORNHUB INVESTS IN GENETIC TECHNOLOGY, BECAUSE . . . REASONS.

By Tom Turgid, Proboscis Pornographic Affairs Correspondent

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Internet porn giant PornHub has purchased all assets, patents, and intellectual property belonging to genetic research firm InGen, according to recent SEC filings.

InGen is well-known for creating Jurassic Park, the first theme park to feature real, living dinosaurs. The company suffered a severe financial setback several years ago, when dinosaurs at its flagship park escaped containment and went on a murderous rampage. As any reasonable corporation would, the board of InGen decided to do the exact same thing again, except with a larger park and smarter, deadlier dinosaurs. InGen was shocked when the exact same thing happened, resulting in even more death and carnage than the first time. Finally, even investors who don’t have problems with tobacco companies, HMOs, or arms dealers were scared off by the body count, and pulled the plug.

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This enigmatic logo was inadvertently posted on PornHub’s Twitter account, before being quickly deleted.

That’s when PornHub, America’s largest pornographic file-sharing site, came into the picture. According to a confidential source, an offhanded comment during a night of hard drinking lead to an early-morning phone call that may well change the future of genetic research, and the future of pornography. PornHub’s Vice President of Product called his lawyer at approximately 3:45 in the morning and posed a very simple, though slurred, question.

The lawyer, awakened from a deep sleep, took (more…)

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